You have been scammed. Here is what to do now.
Act fast, in this order, and do not let embarrassment cost you the window where things can still be fixed.
4 min readThe Date Africa Diamonds Team
First, the thing that needs saying before any of the practical steps. This was done to you by someone who does it professionally, often as part of an organised operation with scripts and shifts. Being deceived by a professional deceiver is not a character flaw. The shame is the scam's last defence, because people who feel humiliated do not report, and not reporting is what keeps it working.
Do these things today
- Stop all contact immediately. Do not send a final message. Do not tell them you know.
- Screenshot everything first: the conversation, their profile, photos, phone numbers, account names and every payment detail.
- Contact your bank or payment provider now and say the words romance scam or authorised push payment fraud. Speed matters more than anything else here.
- Report it to the police or your national fraud reporting service, and get a reference number.
- Report the profile to the app or platform where you met.
- Change passwords on any account they might have learned enough to reach, and turn on two-factor authentication.
If you sent money by bank transfer
Call your bank's fraud line rather than using chat. Ask them directly to attempt a recall and to flag the receiving account. Depending on where you bank, there may be a reimbursement scheme for authorised push payment fraud. Ask whether one applies to you, and ask for the answer in writing.
If you sent gift cards or cryptocurrency
Recovery is much harder, but not always impossible. For gift cards, contact the issuing retailer immediately with the card numbers and receipts, because unspent balances can occasionally be frozen. For cryptocurrency, report the receiving wallet address to the exchange you used and to your national fraud service. Keep every transaction hash.
Be ready for the second scam
People who have been scammed once are put on lists and targeted again. The follow-up is often a recovery scam: someone claiming to be an investigator, a lawyer, a crypto tracing service or an official who can get your money back for a fee.
- No legitimate recovery service asks for payment up front to return money you have lost.
- Real police and real banks do not charge a fee to investigate fraud.
- Anyone who contacts you out of nowhere offering to recover your funds is running the second half of the same operation.
If no money was taken
Sometimes what is taken is photos, or trust, or months of your life. Intimate image blackmail, sometimes called sextortion, follows its own rules: do not pay, because paying reliably leads to more demands. Keep the evidence, report it to the platform and to the police, and tell one person you trust so you are not carrying it alone.
Afterwards
Give yourself a period where you are not making decisions about dating at all. When you do come back, come back with rules rather than suspicion: a video call before you get invested, and the money rule that never bends. Suspicion of everyone is exhausting and it does not work. A short list of firm rules does.
If you want the pattern laid out in advance, so you can recognise the next one early, read how to tell if someone online is real.
Common questions
Can I get my money back after a romance scam?
Sometimes, and the odds depend almost entirely on how fast you contact your bank. Bank transfers reported within hours have the best chance. Gift cards and cryptocurrency are much harder, though still worth reporting immediately.
Should I confront them?
No. Confronting tells them to disappear, destroy accounts and move the money, and it gives them a chance to manipulate you again. Gather your evidence quietly, then report.
Will the police actually do anything?
Individual cases are often hard to prosecute, especially across borders, but reports build the picture that lets investigators link cases and act on networks. Your report also creates the paper trail your bank may need.
I am too embarrassed to tell anyone. What do I do?
Tell one person, and make it the bank first. You do not have to tell family or friends anything you are not ready to share. The bank has heard it many times before and will treat it as fraud, not as a personal failing.
Looking for something serious?
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This article is general guidance, not legal, financial, medical or immigration advice.
